Facebook is not immune to cowards and idiots

I was attacked online.  A stranger decided that I am undeserving of respect and basic human decency and wrote something quite derogatory about me on Facebook, which as many have noticed, has become a festering pit for those who have a huge vacuum in the space normally reserved for the brain.

Anger was of course the obvious response and suddenly all those mundane MTV PSAs about hate and bullying online struck a chord.  They would usually annoy me as I wait for the next video; but now as I felt the hot flush of anger I realized how infuriating one becomes when a perfect stranger decides to launch an attack on you for no apparent reason.

The anger came mostly from the anonymity of it all.  I had no idea who this person was - we've never met, never even shared the same space, yet this individual decided that they should attempt to belittle me in such a hurtful way.  Perhaps it would not have stung so hot if maybe I'd had a disagreement with the few friends, family or media contacts on my personal profile.  But it is hard to conceptualize why a stranger would suddenly fire such an insulting bullet directly at me.  It's hard to understand because I would never do the same to anyone - most of all a stranger.  Perhaps that is the underlying reason for the anger that comes rushing to one's head when things like this happen.  We never fully understand why another person would try to hurt us when we would not dream of doing the same to them.  Not being capable of doing such a hateful act to someone makes it that much harder to deal with being attacked by a total stranger.  We understand our family, best friends and even our co-workers, but have a complete stranger say something nasty about you and it's like cold steel running through the most vulnerable part of your chest.

Good advice stopped me from lashing out, which I must admit was a definite possibility.  This did not happen.  My response was a bit more diplomatic and I was reminded by those close to me that any idiot can use a keyboard and string together an insult about someone they have no clue about.  It takes a confident person to say hey, the offspring of cousins is not worth my words or my energy.

Indeed, as a great friend pointed out, venting your hatred and attacking people online is a nasty trend.  It is especially dangerous when it is aimed at young people.  I have read and viewed dozens of stories about teens and even pre teens committing suicide because of the rabid idiots that misuse social networking.  It's important to recognize that we cannot stand by and watch it.  People who use Facebook, Twitter and the ever growing universe of social media to belittle or abuse others should be viewed as delinquents; deviant retards who should be labelled accordingly and shut down.  No child or teen deserves to be attacked in a safe area created for their enjoyment.  Facebook, despite its privacy flaws, can be a safe place for normal people to interact; but it is the responsibility of those "normal people" to protect the vulnerable from the inevitable idiots who seek to abuse others online.

Does this happen?  Hardly.  I was able to handle the situation myself, but I did need other level headed people to help me see past the anger.  How will a teen deal with being told they are too fat, they look diseased or any of the assorted insults these idiots spew online? How many parents monitor the interaction their kids have online, especially with strangers.  This needs to change and fast.  Too many are taking their lives when they are made victims online.  Please do not say "it's not happening here". Just check with a random friend on Facebook, chances are they have been attacked online.  It's wrong and we need to recognize abuse in all its forms.

Even celebrities are not spared.  I was shocked to hear about the abuse suffered by budding pop star Rebecca Black.  Yes, I'll admit her song and video for "Friday" is no Debbie Gibson, but despite one's dislike for an artiste's work, should we use the opportunity to send them death threats and hate mail.  I could not comprehend why those who hated the Youtube video for "Friday" decided to attack Rebecca Black about her voice, weight, family and just about every nasty thing you could think of to tell a teen.  Yes, a teen.  No one stops to think about the damage such thoughtless words can cause to a still developing mind.

Whether you liked "Friday" or not there is no excuse for threatening Rebecca Black who is simply attempting to launch a music career.  And for heaven's sake, a music career is not hard to attain these days given the less than stellar voice talents paraded on MTV. She did not deserve having some idiot threaten her life simply because he disliked her song.  Since when is it ok to send a teen a death threat especially given the insignificant reason behind the threat?  The FBI should have tracked down this coward and made him an example.

The question I keep asking myself is why.  Why is it so easy to send hate or even something more serious, a death threat, to someone via the net?  The answer is clear.  The internet provides just about enough distance for us to forget that these hurtful words are being expressed to actual people.  Despite her alleged bad taste in vocals and music, Rebecca Black is a very REAL, living, breathing young woman.  But whoever sent her that threat was provided with the distance of the internet - just enough distance to forget that his threat would hurt real feelings and affect an entire family.  The internet makes us numb to the fact that we are interacting with REAL people and that our messages have REAL consequences.  Things we cannot say to a person face to face, we rush to blurt out via hyper text.  Hence my conclusion that only a coward, devoid of the capability to speak to their victims in person, sends hate messages online.  It's just that simple.  If you cannot say it to someone's face, why say it via Facebook, Youtube or whatever social media?  Only a coward would do this.

The individual who decided to attack me because of a small incident regarding my place of work was just such a coward.  When I confronted him I came quickly to the realization that the poor sap was incapable of saying what he had typed to my face.  In fact, he was a particularly sad coward when confronted.  
 
It may be just hyper text, but what was said about me online hurt REAL feelings.  I forgave the stranger who wasn't worth my time, and being in this line of work instantly brings criticism; but I continue to worry about those who cannot cope with being attacked online.  We all should worry. The idle idiots who obsess and attack those they hate online seldom rest and seldom give up on their victims.  We need to be ready to combat this.  I didn't see it coming but it was upsetting, especially since it involved my job; and while I had to draw on every bit of professionalism in me, I sincerely wanted to reach out to this stranger and quite frankly behave like a spartan.  No, not the CGI spartans in "300", the "should have been censored" spartans from the Starz channel "Spartacus" series. 

But acting out in anger was too easy and I'm not regretting my decision to play it cool.  However, I stand by my new determination to stand up for those made victims online.  Any more attacks aimed at me will be dismissed. Besides how am I going to afford an original spartan sword in this economy.

The Colonists are having the last laugh

Long after the shackles have been thrown off and the slave master's whip no longer carries a sting, a sad epidemic, which had its genesis from slavery, remains today thriving among people of colour. 

It’s no secret: white skin is preferred.  There is no denying it.  The lighter your skin, the easier it is to gain acceptance especially among people with darker skin.  I hear your scoffs and many may flinch reading this in absolute disgust and disagreement.  But would you deny hearing any of the following statements in some form at least once:

1. "His girlfriend is beautiful...tall, slender and VERY fair..."
2. "Wow...your baby is perfect...she came out so fair!"
3. "They're a great couple...the baby will be VERY fair"
4. "I prefer women with a nice high colour..."
5. "No don't wear that colour...it makes you look TOO dark".

I have heard these and many similar "anti-black skin" rants before.  Including the classic "dam, if only my skin were a little lighter I'd be more attractive."  In fact, I cannot think of a single friend who appreciates their dark skin colour.  This makes me angry and sad. Why?  Perhaps it's easier for me to understand an obsession about being too thin, too fat or some other vain trait, but I cannot accept my fellow people of colour idealizing white skin and denying the rich beauty of dark skin.  The same dark skin worn by our forefathers who toiled under the nasty crack of the slave master’s whip and fought for the freedom and rights we enjoy today.  Black skin represents more than just a skin colour.  Black skin is a symbol for a people who have been marginalized for centuries and have had to suffer and struggle to place a black woman from rural Mississippi into the spotlight as an international media sensation and a black man into the most powerful presidential seat in the world.  The same black skin worn by a freedom fighter who stood against inequality in British ruled Indian. 

How then can we continue to show dislike for our black skin:  the very part of us that represents rich culture and victory after centuries of struggle.  This is why I'm angry.  It means more than just skin, it stands for every African and Indian freedom fighter who died or punished so that other people of colour could enjoy a life free from oppression.

But perhaps the most troubling aspect is the fact that many people of colour view white skin as something superior.  Too hard to swallow?  Am I being ridiculous?  Ok, ask yourself this: how many times have you witnessed a store attendant rushing to assist a light skinned customer, while other dark skinned customers have stood waiting to be served for several minutes.  How many instances have you witnessed a situation in which a Caucasian or light skinned African or Indian person had it a bit easier or got special favours because of the colour of their skin.  There's no denying it.  Fair skinned people are favoured over their black counterparts. 

An interesting question is how this all came to be.  The answer lies with the very slave owners who oppressed and almost destroyed the culture of Africans.

History makes it clear.  To truly control the slaves the white slave owners developed a "divide and conquer" strategy.  The light-skinned slaves including the mulattos were given less menial work in the homes of the whites and were regarded as exclusively house slaves.  While their darker counterparts were placed in the fields where the work was literally back- breaking.  The coloureds, light-skinned slaves mostly fathered by white plantation owners who slept with female slaves, were regarded by the whites as being closer in appearance, hence their "priviledged" status among the slaves. 

Surely the whites also knew that providing the light skinned slaves with a "priviledged status" would create a rift between the slaves since many of the darker slaves  resented the coloureds who enjoyed the shade and cool of the master's house while everyone else endured extreme hardship in the fields.  Instead of being united against the atrocities of the white plantation owners, the light skinned slaves and their darker counterparts drifted further and further  apart.  In fact, history recalls that many of the light skinned slaves, due to their close relationship with the whites, felt they were indeed as white as their masters and as such were superior to the "typical" darker field slaves; many of them speaking to the darker slaves as if they were their masters. 

Anxious to take advantage of the rift between the slaves, the whites placed many of the light skinned slaves (many of them being their own children) in charge of the darker slaves, providing them with whips and horses to manage the field slaves.  Sensing some pitiful form of acceptance from the whites, many of the light skinned slaves swiftly took up their positions as "slave drivers", handing out harsh cruelty to their darker counterparts without a thought to the irony of a slave pretending to be "master" of another slave. 

The idea was placed in the minds of all of slaves, dark or light skinned.  Once your skin colour in some way resembled that of a Caucasian, you were seen as more superior to someone with black skin.  The white plantation owners placed this into the minds of our fore parents and the sad trend continues today.  Light skin is seen as superior to black skin; a privilege, a blessing and a right to an easier life.  The fact that this "divide and conquer" strategy created by the whites continues today is a sad reality.  How can we allow the darkest parts of slave history to dominate many of the judgments we make about people today?    

Of course the indentured immigrants brought to work on the plantations after slavery brought new ideas to the issue of white skin being more superior.  The idea of "fair" skin being more superior had already existed in India further perpetuating the belief that one was more privileged based on how "fair" your skin appeared. 

These ideas continue to thrive in our society even today and continue to have negative psychological effects on people of colour.  Think for a minute about a dark skinned child living in a world in which everyone around him believes he is less worthy because he was born with dark skin.  I once witnessed a heated argument between two Indian brothers.  At the very climax of the fight, the darker of the two siblings screamed at the other "you always get what you want...mommy and daddy always favour you because I'm darker."  Stop denying it, you've had similar experiences or have heard similar stories.  Am I wrong? 

The other sad reality of the "light skinned" lie created by the white slave owners is that the rift between darker persons and their light skinned counterparts continues today.  As brilliantly dramatized by Halle Berry in "Alex Haley's Queen", some light skinned Africans are under the belief that they are closer to whites and hence are more superior. Many of them have cast off their black roots and have created an image that resembles the white European blonde, blue eyed facade.  Darker persons have developed a dislike for those with light skin, feeling a sense of inferiority.  I once heard the remark "she's a typical example of these fair skinned people believing they are white and better than anyone else!"  The speaker was obviously oblivious to the fact that she is admitting her ignorant belief that "white" is more superior.  All this leaves one to wonder.  Slavery has ended, but are the festering lies spawned by the white slave owners still being propagated by the very descendants of the persons they once enslaved?   

The answer to this question is hard to swallow.  But I believe the day is yet to come when people of colour will truly embrace the brilliance of their very existence thanks to the sacrifice of those who came before us. Even Hollywood has acknowledged the "fair skin" obsession.  In the film "Precious" how many of us heard the line in which the title character refers to her "love of light skinned boys".  

The belief that fair skin is more attractive has been blatantly propagated by Hollywood.  Just turn on TCM and witness how white, blonde and blue eyed has been glorified by Hollywood since the films of the 1920's, 30's and 40's.  Dark colour was relegated for the villains only (hello, Walt Disney!).  In modern day productions, the "white superior" propaganda continues.  Does anyone remember the "White Ranger" controversy from the notorious Power Ranger series in 1994/95?  

This disease has even penetrated the world of popular music.  For those who still doubt that the colonist have left us with a "white skin" syndrome, I have two words for you: Vybz Kartel.  Please see image at the top of the page.  This is a clear indication of the "colonist mentality" that continues to fester in the Caribbean and world-wide.

The question which is being asked now is who.  Who will be the first to begin a new bit of propaganda.  One that celebrates the brilliance and rich history of Africans, Indians and other nations of colour.  One that will thoroughly erase the "big white lies" created by the slave owners. 

Being of mixed race I am not immune to the constant images of "white is better" that constantly bleeds through the media and people around me; and I must admit that not being identified as one particular race was rather confusing as a teenager.  I've never really reconciled the fact that my birth certificate states "mixed" under race or that a close friend from my youth group once referred to me as "portuguese".  In fact, I've had several identity crises regarding my race during my teen years.  But with age comes a confidence and a truly wonderful appreciation for who I am. Seeing myself as an African man, bringing with me all the rich culture of my anscestors, has given me the stamina to deal with all my moments of confusion.  Of course seeing a certain President make confident strides during every public appearance gives me an extra thrust and makes me stand a little taller every time I think that a man of colour now holds the most powerful position in the world.  

Talk 2 Me: timothya.austin@yahoo.com    Twitter: Tyga Austin 

Mass Exodus

Living in Guyana, somethings are inevitable: heartburn from spicy foods, extreme heat, unreliable water supply and that uneasy feeling that comes when you notice that your family, close friends and cherished work colleagues are disappearing.  By your late 20's this will start to happen at an alarming rate.  No, they're not dying of disease.  This phenomenon is more serious.  They're migrating.

We have all heard the familiar mantra.  University of Guyana graduates spend 3-5 years working in Guyana's work force and somewhere between "god, I have more bills than salary" and "sorry sir we're closed at 1:00 so the cashier can balance before quitting time", you either start researching your canadian self-sponsorship options or get chummy with mom and dad in the States.

Living in Guyana is not for the weak of heart, definitely.  But the rate at which young professionals are migrating is alarming. Often I imagine myself sitting alone in a huge, empty white building with the faint electronic light from my computer as my only comfort.

This week a close colleague announced her imminant departure.  The count is currently at 5 this year for the amount of close persons who have migrated either to the United States or Canada.  This last announcement particularly hit me hard since this colleague has been the glue that kept our office gang together.  Being able to look at your work mates as family rather than just colleagues is a distinct privilege and one that's only for few lucky folks.  So when migration rears its ugly head and threatens to forever change yet another close union I take offense.  Yet, there's simply nothing I can do.  Green pastures, higher paying jobs and reliable water supply; how can I be sad when my colleague is off to a better life.  But as this phenomenon of migration continues to thrive, how many of us are asking the serious questions?  What happens to those who still stay on?  What psychological effects will remain long after the tearful farewells?  What happens to a country's work force and economy if there is a consistent exodus of qualified professionals leaving its shores at the peak of their youth. 

Many of you may shrug at the idea that watching your colleagues and friends disappear down the check- in line may leave mental scars.  But think about it.  For those of us who have yet to snuggle up to the idea of migrating, the constant departure of people we genuinely care about will after time leave an empty feeling or worse make us resistant to creating long lasting relationships since the people we care about always leave for greener pastures.

I find myself reflecting on some life decisions after my friend brought the sad news.  After all, she was the patriot of the group.  When we saw uninviting black water, she saw something more rich and satisfying than any blue water and white sand paradise could ever offer.  When we saw a tattered piece of sea defense, she saw what should be a major tourist attraction, a "seawall" - rich in culture and history and possible on par with the Great Wall of China.  Yes, did I tell you she's also the comedian of the group?

Long after the farewells and all the well wishing.  A moment will come when the few remaining friends will reflect on what can never happen again.  The lunch dates, the sporadic laughter and the Christmas shopping are now only memories.  Migration leaves a bitter taste on the tongues of those who remain.  No matter who you are, seeing a close friend depart familiar shores leaves one empty, maybe for a few days, months even, but the emptiness is certainly real. 

Those losing family members to migration perhaps have a rough time coming to grips with the inevitable loneliness.  But for those leaving, it is finally realizing what Dorothy felt like walking through that black and white door into technicolour splendour.  Well, until reality hits and they realise the true cost of migration and how expensive that reliable water supply really is and the land lord turns out to be the wicked witch of the west.

But on departure day the feelings are very different.  Every Guyanese can recount the famous airport scene.  They dress in their very best.  Every shiny skirt, every glttered heel is brought out for the big moment at the airport.  No, I'm not talking about the individual about to embark.  I'm talking about those family members who accompany them to the airport to say their final goodbyes.  The celebration of a loved one migrating is now officially a Guyanese tradition, and many wear their Sunday finest for just such a moment.  Why?  This calls for a long psychological analysis.  But it is reality.  Migrating to the U.S. or Canada is the pinnacle of achievement for many; the next best thing to marrying the doctor (with his own Clinic of course).  The dress parade is just a part of the celebration as those left behind wait their turn for the all important "papers to come through".  Until then, they'll feast, drink and toast to the lucky family member who will go before them and start the process for the entire family to migrate. 

But is this the reality for those of us residing in a developing country?  We go through each day, many longing for the opportunity of a better life; many missing those who would have already "graduated".  Are we simply slaves to the idea of a better life in the developed world?  Are we to endure farewell after farewell until the pressure mounts and we finally download that canadian self sponsorship form. 

I will miss my friend.  But I'm happy she made the move since the world she's about to join will bring her more professional satisfaction than Guyana could ever offer someone with her talent and education.  Her emotional satisfaction is still up in the air; but I know she will thrive in her career. 

So will migration make me another of its victims?  I'm certainly not the patriot of the group.  But I've experienced a lot in my late 20's and one thing is clear about the idea of migrating - reliable water service isn't everything.

Talk 2 Me: timothya@gol.net.gy      Facebook: Tyga Austin